Could Forbes “5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success” Bring Out More Awareness In Society?

Today’s society is wrought with bad news on top of, more bad news. The recent Las Vegas shooting and many more instances of the abuse of violence as well as resentment towards one another or a group of people, has become overwhelming. Could the common traits in resentment of other people’s success be part of a huge social problem? Forbes “5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success” by Psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do gives basic steps to becoming more mindful of recognizing what negative habits can drain mental strength and how to work on them. There can be even more implications brought out from this insight, like: Can there be a balance between other people’s success and ours? Can more positive mindfulness create better support towards one another and promote motivational effort in what we do? Most importantly, the minimizing of the need to compare, as mentioned by Amy Morin, could bring about an awareness essential to not just a business or personal environment, but for society as a whole.

“It’s easy to look at social media and think, “My family doesn’t have that much fun together,” or “My house isn’t nearly as nice as my friends’ homes.”

But life isn’t meant to be a competition. Drawing comparisons between yourself and other people is like comparing apples and oranges. Your journey is unique and it’s important to honor your individuality.”

Why An Automatic Negative Response?

When something good happens to another person, or someone is excited to share an accomplishment they have been working towards, sometimes there is just a defense mechanism that outwardly doesn’t show true support and inwardly thwarts personal growth. This can be from observing past mistakes of another person and holding on to them or simply feeling self-inadequate and projecting it onto others. Resentment means the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc. Feeling displeasure in seeing another person succeed, ultimately starts from something deeper than just what that person has accomplished. If self-understanding or self-confidence is rather low, it makes sense to automatically feel depressed on how others succeed. And if peoples mistakes are the first thing that pops into the mind when a success is made, that still extends from the personal feelings of oneself.

  • A new study suggests that perspective-training can lead to a more positive observation of others instead of an automatic negative one. Know thy self to understand others suggests that the more we work on understanding ourselves first, the better we become in understanding others. Low self-confidence can turn into feeling better about yourself and feeling the happiness for other people. Past mistakes can turn into accepting change and showing understanding to the fact that all people make mistakes.

“people can be guided to develop a better inner awareness about their own mental states, and to have a better understanding of the mental state of others. This is because the better people understand themselves, the more easily they can think themselves in other people’s shoes. Such training therefore ultimately helps us deal with current global challenges, says Anne Böckler of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Science and Julius Maximilians University Würzburg in Germany.”

600_452503507.jpeg
Photo via meetup.com

Where Should Understanding Begin?

The best place to implement the very idea of deep understanding is in our homes and family life. Good and positive experiences of the ones closest to us can be encouraging and motivate a person towards accomplishments. If the good a person is trying to work on, for either themselves or their family, is not genuinely supported, then the act of resentment finds a place to breed and the motivation meant to be shared is completely moot. Everyone has a natural need to share a good experience, can it not be made into an example that others can achieve the same positive outcome?

  • For a better ‘I’, there needs to be a supportive ‘we’ via Science Daily gives attention to how productive a person can be when there is true support backing them. Take what a friend or family member is able to do, despite their own situation, and let it move you to see that you can achieve the same accomplishments. By doing so, all within a family can learn to start with bettering themselves and in time recognize their own potential. When that potential can be noticed in us, we can then learn to see the potential in others and pass on that supportive nature.

“People who reported their relationships to be supportive had a greater willingness to grow personally and felt more self-confident,”

Motivation in Mindfulness

If the recognition of becoming more self-aware and in-tune with empathy makes for a better approach towards interpersonal challenges, then could it not be a possible motivator to social betterment? Improving yourself means taking a step back from the automatic judgments and getting a wider perspective. 5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success clearly advises:

“Sometimes, it’s tempting to make generalizations based on what we think is fair in life. She didn’t deserve that raise because she doesn’t work as hard as I do. He doesn’t deserve to have a successful business when he treats his employees like dirt.

The truth is, life isn’t always going to be fair—at least not in the way you view fairness. Insisting you deserve more and someone else deserves less wastes your time and energy. Accept the things you can’t control and focus on being the best version of yourself, without keeping score.”

When a person learns to focus on the more important things in life, including striving for a healthier self, what another person does no longer is a threat to one’s ego. Having a backing into improving personal habits and thinking can bring a balance into the world. What we see others achieve, we can take and learn from. And what we achieve can become a motivator for someone else, all in some way working on awareness.

Quotefancy-2415197-3840x2160

Finding ways to personally stop resentment can be a small way to reduce the negative effects in the world today. Admittedly, there are far more complicated and deep things that cause plenty of social resentment and problems. If we can take self-awareness and turn around a personal environment, the same awareness could help cause less negativity towards others. Seeing another person or a group of people do good or accomplish something doesn’t have to be made into something negative. Stopping resentment could truly go beyond the workplace and home, building more understanding into today’s society. Opinion is a choice of free will, but the input of bettering ourselves can bring mindfully less harsh ones. And the less harsh we all become, the less resentment there can be. What are your thoughts on how resentment affects the world today and do you agree that self-awareness could encourage better understanding towards others?

“We combat envy by cultivating genuine humility and modesty, which enables us to appreciate and value the abilities and good qualities of others”- Keys to a Happy Life

Advertisements

5 Resources To Mindfully Recharge And Find The Positive In Your Life

Life does not make it easy to be a positive person, living is full of raw heartfelt feeling- from the most elated and exciting experiences to the deepest and darkest pain. I use to hold pain as if it was a weight hidden behind my rib cage, always aching and slowly suffocating. I have found a freedom beyond that hurt and it is the very thing I wish to focus on, for we all go through many difficulties in life and deserve to finally grab hold of the fresh air and beautiful light still existent in our lives!

As a busy mom, wife and growing as a step-mother, daily living can become very stressful. School days end with frustrated kids and a toddler finding their way to the terrible two’s is exhausting! Throw in several bad work days for daddy on top of it and the environment feels more tense than we all would like it to be. Being positive is not the first thing to focus on nor is it the easiest to accomplish. With many years of knowing what it feels like to allow things to weigh you down almost to nothing and wanting better than that for my own child and step-kids, I have personally learned to grab hold of mindfulness in times of distress. So much of what builds strength, character and coping skills comes from inside each of us, it has now become the most important thing to work on modeling coping skills and healthy thinking habits for my family!

image

Some may assume that being positive alludes you from feeling all other emotions that help you to appreciate happiness. But, being realistically positive does not mean you do not or cannot feel sadness, anger, grief or frustration. We all are human and we all will feel the effect of pain no matter how hard we try not to. Taking a step back, meditating or re-evaluating, and focusing on the good can create a positive attitude towards a negative circumstance! Here are five resources to share and what I personally do to build positive thinking within my family:

1. Gratefulness

Looking at something in a more grateful way (appreciating the good and the opportunities that are realistically there) opens the door into taking a look at the bigger picture instead of the one negative thing we are focused on.

image
Via pastortyrus.com

I am always trying to remind myself and the family of the things we still have in our lives that are good and meaningful, shifting a disappointment towards being grateful.

“people who feel gratitude are less likely to be depressed and worried, and more likely to feel satisfied with their lives.”

2. Thinking and Thoughts

The greatest thing I have observed, in all the psychology and professional research into my writing, is how our personal thinking projects itself into our own reality. We can make ourselves believe the worst or prove to our self the ability to see past a negative experience.  It truly makes a difference for me to redirect personal thoughts and focus on bettering my mood for the family. I try my very best to give an alternate perspective when someone in the family is stuck on very negative feelings and thoughts, in time hoping to motivate everyone’s ability to focus more positively and clearly while making their environment feel less tense and stressful by doing so.

3. Refraining from Negative Remarks 

Lasting change comes from what we choose to think, say and do from day to day. We can use these abilities to break each other down or build each other up. Nothing unnerves me more than to hear anyone in the family speak negatively about someone else (friend or family) or use unkind language causally without thinking. We all bear enough unkindness out in the world and carry our own flaws and mistakes, so I am continually encouraging more kindness towards one another in the home and towards others.

“not to shine such a spotlight on a difficult situation that everything good fades out.”

4. Spiritual or Mindful Routine

This is what pulls everything together to build a more positive mindset. We are a christian family, incorporating bible reading and meditating into our daily lives truly brings better thoughts, words and actions into the home. Having my own personal study time also refreshes my mindset and encourages more effort on my part to be the best example I can be for my family. For those less into the spiritual aspect, mindfulness can be a great alternative to incorporate more balance in daily life.

5. Learn Not to Take Things So Serious

I am a sucker for taking things seriously at times and getting overly anxious in some situations. But one thing I have managed to recognize is to take it easy from day to day knowing each day has its own anxiety. When the toddler won’t nap or the house is still a mess because of it, I have to take it as it is and not fret. I encourage the same for everyone else in the family. Seeing how stressed they are at times, helps me to keep working on my stress levels in order for everyone to not take things so seriously sometimes.

Those are just a few of the weekly and daily habits I am working on and trying to encourage. Taking a bad stressful day and learning to turn it around I feel is such a great asset for anyone looking to improve themselves and their family. imageIt isn’t easy, far from simple and can feel overwhelming to turn a negative mindset around, the key has been perseverance! Build up those around you by picking out the advantage to a disadvantage, speak up-building things to feel less hurt by that rude person, notice your strengths in a difficult situation, shrug off the insignificant little things to feel less worried, be grateful for what you still have in your life despite a loss. All those thought adjustments can make a huge difference in daily life!  If I can experience a difference in myself and my environment from how I choose to think and look at things, I will always continue sharing that knowledge. I hope everyone finds the little pieces of happiness and life’s goodness in their own life! What adjustments can you make to better your personal life? As a fellow blogger simply stated:

“you have to take control and make life into what you want it to be.”

Here is an encouraging video by Dr. Becker-Phelps Ph.D/therapist on how we can benefit from thought adjustments in our life and towards our self.  From the Psychology Today article The Good Life: Pause, Observe and Absorb Positives .

*Cover Photo: Via leeaspland.com

Building Resilience In A Challenging World: How These Life Changing Principles Can Benefit Your Family

Today, people live in a world filled with anxieties, pain and grief; where technology has stolen the beating heart of life and replaced it with mechanical living and a rise in depression for many. Especially as a mother, it is concerning to wonder what influences lay out there for my child and her wellbeing. How can people fight for a better way of living? Well, this world can also be filled with hope, happiness and access to healthy coping skills! All have heard or read how much society is becoming dependent on electronic devices, learning anti-social behavior and so on, but when it comes to healthy living, parents and others, carry the ability to live life to the fullest and can teach their children to do the same!

Personally, coming from a difficult past and having met many challenges in life, the greatest life lesson has been self growth! Growing from difficulties is a painful process, but it is also the most rewarding in creating endurance through perseverance and mindfulness. Problems and road blocks can force a change of perspective; for me, moments of true peace, happiness and fulfillment were found after the effort in changing myself, my life and way of thinking. When focusing on a healthier mindset, admitting wrongs and changing certain habits I gained self confidence and recognized my ability to be more self aware and positive. The most amazing thing about it, is that I accomplished a better self through better thinking! Many people may need a little extra help using alternative methods like therapy, medication or natural remedies, but the real change in creating a better self stems from personal thoughts and habits.

Once I became a mother, it became imperative to incorporate more positive thinking and life principles, for me to be a better person through difficulties and to share the good we can find despite heartache. There is a deep realization that parents need to model a healthy wellbeing for their children to gain real coping skills. With all of the distractions in todays society, the decline in healthy social behaviors and world conflicts at a all time high, we owe it to the next generation to find positivity in this world!

Continue readingBuilding Resilience In A Challenging World: How These Life Changing Principles Can Benefit Your Family

*Blog/Article first published on my Creators.co/Inspirememom platform

The Super Power In Positive Thinking

Once you recognize the super power within a single thought, there is a beautiful transformation hidden behind it! For me, learning the mindset to believe in myself has been a wondrous step towards strength and endurance, even if life won’t let up on its challenges.

I have discovered that we can rise to a thinking level beyond a world of negativity that permeates its weight of low self esteem and bitterness. Find ways to feel good and build others up, be an example worth setting! How does it really make a difference? You may ask. Is our way of thinking really anything like that vigilante on your favorite TV show striving for the good?

Continue reading  “The Super Power In Positive Thinking”

*This post was first published on my Creators.co/Inspirememom page/platform.

My Journey Into A Positive Life

It is not the easiest journey, but a determined one for myself and my family. After giving birth to a child and having two step-daughters who have gone through so much, something clicked inside myself to overcome certain tendencies and create a better mindset for myself and for them.

Positivity stems from our thoughts and way of thinking, as well as learning to be mindful and self loving. Seeing my self in a better light then I have in the past is one of the biggest differences I have made and has truly changed my own behavior and outlook. Focusing on your good qualities and strengths despite any mistakes or past is truly a super power to motivating you in carrying out the effort in building a more positive outlook and coping skills.

imageI still have days I am down, days I am angry and frustrated with others, days I feel insecure and hurt. Sometimes it stems from past experiences with others that have caused distrust and sometimes it is simply the ups and downs of motherhood and life. Despite those days, I have managed to keep reminding myself of the good and in refocusing my thinking.

This week is a start of implementing new steps into keeping up my transformation into a more positive person and life:

1.) Disconnecting from social media such as Instagram. It is like FB in becoming a time waster and getting caught up in likes, no likes and so on. I need the ability to feel more focused instead of distracted and this is one way I feel I personally can accomplish that. My goal is to start with two to three weeks detox and then work on only using Instagram once a week instead of everyday.

2.) Put forth even more time with my 18 month old daughter and in creating learning activities for her much developing brain. The importance of keeping up with the milestones and giving the best start of learning is one of my priorities I would like to give better in.

3.) Taking advantage of focusing on my thinking and self love so as to overcome the anxieties that still creep up. And in doing so, continuing to encourage more positive thinking with my step-daughters. Also, finding a way to build my confidence when around certain people so as to give out an even better kindness.

4.) Working on my mindfulness and taking in the good moments. Help me to dwell on the good around.

The deep rooted motivator to all of this is simply watching the affects of negative thinking within others, the affects of negative thinking even within myself and how much I do not want that for my own daughter. Recognizing through simple observation how other people’s behavior and way of thinking can truly affect our thinking and instill negative habits or behavior. I want to prove to be better than that for my child. Prove that we ourselves have the power to change a circumstance instead of wallow and blaming others. That wonderful power of Perspective!

imageSo, I choose to be that positive mother who encourages seeing the good in others and not always focusing on mistakes or flaws. The one who helps her daughter find strength in herself, not letting her second guess everything because of some unnatural fear that something is always wrong. I will be the mother who will recognize that some situations and days may be sad, hard, difficult and aggravating, but will always help redirect her perspective from focusing too much on those feelings. I will nonstop include spiritual aspects in her life and teach self awareness; that not everything is because of others, but that we ourselves can play into a situation and need to show true integrity in owning up to our own mistakes and imperfections. That it’s okay if we do make mistakes as long as we learn from them. She will be taught to not involve herself in negative and unwholesome drama focused on gossip. I will be there to help her accept that she doesn’t have to be perfect, she can and will make mistakes, but that never means she is less of a person because of it. In doing so, I hope to help her accept the imperfections of others instead of needing to always judge what someone says or does. I will give a healthy sense of adventure and allow her to grow into the person she wants to be, without creating unnecessary fears that could stop her from what she can do or experience.

I choose to be a more positive and grateful person for my daughter!

image*Personal photo taken by me, no rights to copy or share.