Today’s society is wrought with bad news on top of, more bad news. The recent Las Vegas shooting and many more instances of the abuse of violence as well as resentment towards one another or a group of people, has become overwhelming. Could the common traits in resentment of other people’s success be part of a huge social problem? Forbes “5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success” by Psychotherapist Amy Morin, author of the book 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do gives basic steps to becoming more mindful of recognizing what negative habits can drain mental strength and how to work on them. There can be even more implications brought out from this insight, like: Can there be a balance between other people’s success and ours? Can more positive mindfulness create better support towards one another and promote motivational effort in what we do? Most importantly, the minimizing of the need to compare, as mentioned by Amy Morin, could bring about an awareness essential to not just a business or personal environment, but for society as a whole.
“It’s easy to look at social media and think, “My family doesn’t have that much fun together,” or “My house isn’t nearly as nice as my friends’ homes.”
But life isn’t meant to be a competition. Drawing comparisons between yourself and other people is like comparing apples and oranges. Your journey is unique and it’s important to honor your individuality.”
Why An Automatic Negative Response?
When something good happens to another person, or someone is excited to share an accomplishment they have been working towards, sometimes there is just a defense mechanism that outwardly doesn’t show true support and inwardly thwarts personal growth. This can be from observing past mistakes of another person and holding on to them or simply feeling self-inadequate and projecting it onto others. Resentment means the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc. Feeling displeasure in seeing another person succeed, ultimately starts from something deeper than just what that person has accomplished. If self-understanding or self-confidence is rather low, it makes sense to automatically feel depressed on how others succeed. And if peoples mistakes are the first thing that pops into the mind when a success is made, that still extends from the personal feelings of oneself.
- A new study suggests that perspective-training can lead to a more positive observation of others instead of an automatic negative one. Know thy self to understand others suggests that the more we work on understanding ourselves first, the better we become in understanding others. Low self-confidence can turn into feeling better about yourself and feeling the happiness for other people. Past mistakes can turn into accepting change and showing understanding to the fact that all people make mistakes.
“people can be guided to develop a better inner awareness about their own mental states, and to have a better understanding of the mental state of others. This is because the better people understand themselves, the more easily they can think themselves in other people’s shoes. Such training therefore ultimately helps us deal with current global challenges, says Anne Böckler of the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Science and Julius Maximilians University Würzburg in Germany.”
Where Should Understanding Begin?
The best place to implement the very idea of deep understanding is in our homes and family life. Good and positive experiences of the ones closest to us can be encouraging and motivate a person towards accomplishments. If the good a person is trying to work on, for either themselves or their family, is not genuinely supported, then the act of resentment finds a place to breed and the motivation meant to be shared is completely moot. Everyone has a natural need to share a good experience, can it not be made into an example that others can achieve the same positive outcome?
- For a better ‘I’, there needs to be a supportive ‘we’ via Science Daily gives attention to how productive a person can be when there is true support backing them. Take what a friend or family member is able to do, despite their own situation, and let it move you to see that you can achieve the same accomplishments. By doing so, all within a family can learn to start with bettering themselves and in time recognize their own potential. When that potential can be noticed in us, we can then learn to see the potential in others and pass on that supportive nature.
“People who reported their relationships to be supportive had a greater willingness to grow personally and felt more self-confident,”
Motivation in Mindfulness
If the recognition of becoming more self-aware and in-tune with empathy makes for a better approach towards interpersonal challenges, then could it not be a possible motivator to social betterment? Improving yourself means taking a step back from the automatic judgments and getting a wider perspective. 5 Ways To Stop Resenting Other People’s Success clearly advises:
“Sometimes, it’s tempting to make generalizations based on what we think is fair in life. She didn’t deserve that raise because she doesn’t work as hard as I do. He doesn’t deserve to have a successful business when he treats his employees like dirt.
The truth is, life isn’t always going to be fair—at least not in the way you view fairness. Insisting you deserve more and someone else deserves less wastes your time and energy. Accept the things you can’t control and focus on being the best version of yourself, without keeping score.”
When a person learns to focus on the more important things in life, including striving for a healthier self, what another person does no longer is a threat to one’s ego. Having a backing into improving personal habits and thinking can bring a balance into the world. What we see others achieve, we can take and learn from. And what we achieve can become a motivator for someone else, all in some way working on awareness.
- Mindfulness Motivates People To Make Healthier Choices is the perfect research study on this type of mindfulness. The need for personal behavioral changes can be easier to implicate for those aware of the need to continue growing as a person.
Finding ways to personally stop resentment can be a small way to reduce the negative effects in the world today. Admittedly, there are far more complicated and deep things that cause plenty of social resentment and problems. If we can take self-awareness and turn around a personal environment, the same awareness could help cause less negativity towards others. Seeing another person or a group of people do good or accomplish something doesn’t have to be made into something negative. Stopping resentment could truly go beyond the workplace and home, building more understanding into today’s society. Opinion is a choice of free will, but the input of bettering ourselves can bring mindfully less harsh ones. And the less harsh we all become, the less resentment there can be. What are your thoughts on how resentment affects the world today and do you agree that self-awareness could encourage better understanding towards others?
“We combat envy by cultivating genuine humility and modesty, which enables us to appreciate and value the abilities and good qualities of others”- Keys to a Happy Life