I woke up this morning feeling a sense of something missing… A feeling of everyday accomplishment, the motivation and the force behind doing everything to be the perfect example we picture in our heads for our kids. I am already a busy stay at home mom and step-mom. I now am running around after my 15 month old who recently is almost a pro at walking and starting to run! I hustle and bustle with housework in between moments of quiet and sleep, and I carry a lot of emotional weight of two teenage step-daughters who go from having good days to bad in ten seconds flat, at least so it seems sometimes. I struggle to keep the romance alive with my husband in such a busy world, where neither him nor I can truly focus on each other with all we try to do for the kids.
Lately my to do list keeps growing from lack of motivation. The past few days my moments of quiet with the toddler asleep, girls at school, and hubby at work, I tend to have low energy. I will clean the house, but I will dread making an insurance phone call. I will spend quality time with my daughter during the day and then with everyday cleanup and food prep, I forget to accomplish a task I had set to complete. And to top all of that off… Of course there is the immense emotional and physical stress of personal, family and financial problems that fall out of my husbands and I’s control.
So, in a way to find, not only motivation for myself, but to encourage a more positive mind set for the entire family- I am working on mindfulness and positive reformation. Writing has been a hidden past time, I wrote out everything from feelings to poetry to imagination. And for a few years, from my late teens to early twenties, I publicly shared and worked on poetry to actually publishing a poetry book. It wasn’t anything that was professional and publicly recognized, It was a simple self publishing site I took advantage of and put my words to print/paper as a great keepsake or memorandum. It was a nice accomplishment for myself at the time. Unfortunately through the years of busy life I have lost my writing touch. For several years I stopped writing entirely, what you would call maybe writers block? It was simply me fizzled out of feeling and motivation to write.
In the past six months with a lot of life challenges and emotional ups and downs for myself personally; I was advised on journaling to help get perspective, as well as release bottled up feelings. I, as a step-mom and mother have recognized I cannot always blatantly show most of my feelings nor is it healthy for me to continue to hold them in. So, journaling has slowly brought back my writing side… and with this rekindled little passion of mine, I want to try something new! Take all of the negative I have written, past and present, and turn my writing into a way to focus on the positive!
Writing has always been an outlet for release, but I am growing in needing to discover the positive to any circumstance. I am no longer just me suffering in hard circumstances or going through emotional challenges. I am a mother to a beautiful daughter and step-mother to two beautiful and unique step-daughters, who deserve to see positive reinforcement in their lives, for their own circumstances and challenges. I have found a place within myself that I wish I could of discovered sooner in life: that mindfulness can bring a sense of peace when going through the most trying of times. We do have a choice, consider it a chance really, to discover strength, happiness and self worth.
So, here begins my journey into the blogging world of sharing a sense of motivation and reinforcing positive for any other mother, step-mothers, wives and working women!